For the very first time...

For the very first time I woke up as a mommy. For the very first time I used a breast pump so that when the day comes that they can have breast milk instead of IV fluids it's ready and waiting. For the very first time I walked myself downstairs and dropped that breastmilk off to be stored and frozen and sat in wonder and amazement watching Emma-Sky's and Lucian's every twitter and stretch. They were both on breathing and IV feeding tubes and they each had had a blood transfusion. Lucian was on blood pressure medication and they were giving him 25% oxygen while Emma had had her first bath pretty much after she was born because her temperature was where it needed to be and she was on minimal settings, needing only 21% oxygen. The rest of the day I rested, fought back tears - a combination of trying to deal with no longer being pregnant, no longer feeling them move around inside of me, dealing with the pain and soreness, along with the overwhelming feeling of gratitude. So grateful that they were holding their own. Grateful for each moment they remained stable. Seeing their cute little faces and movements. Falling in love with them the moment I knew they were inside of me and the moment I knew they were out.

Grateful to my family who came to see me every day, kept me company and brought me food when the hospital food was just plain awful, for the friends who kept me company, called me, sent flowers, thought of me, said a prayer.

Forever grateful that I truly am the luckiest woman on the planet. Adam has been so incredible throughout every bit of this while somehow managing to keep it all together at home. And the plate was full 6 months ago, never mind now. I already knew how lucky I was but it's times like these that amplify how blessed you really are. They say that having children makes a good relationship better and I have always thought that to be true. For the very first time I have a best friend, a partner I can always count on. I've never had any doubts that it would be any other way then it's been, not for one nanosecond. It's nice to be right. :)