Rainy Days

The weather has been almost unbearable, especially when you have to be out in it. Normally, I enjoy a good rainstorm - especially that moment right before you feel the first raindrop on your cheek, under overcast skies that quickly turn dark. You can smell the storm coming much earlier than its actual arrival and there's an energy that can't be duplicated. When I was a teenager I loved getting caught in storms that soaked right through your clothes, leaving your hair sopping wet, the squish in your sneakers. I would go for a walk or a bike ride when I was upset about something or had an argument with someone, and a rainstorm like that always cleared my head, grounded me somehow. But in times when you're incredibly busy, under pressure to get things done, begging for more than 24 hours in a day, relying on caffeine that you know is bad for you to stay up many more hours than your body will allow for, the rain seems to be more of a nuisance than anything else. The past week has been incredibly busy, in line with the past month. I can't decide if I look as tired as I feel or if I feel as tired as I look. 6 hours of sleep is a lot and taking more than a ten minute shower feels like a spa treatment, I promise you that's not an exaggeration.

Today they stopped Emma-Sky's feeding once again. Her stomach is distended and there's a red mark on the skin on her lower right abdomen. They had her up tp 7ccs of breastmilk over 3 hours. They did an x-ray today to rule out NEC. The doctor says the x-rays shows she doesn't have it, perhaps she's just not mature enough for the feedings, particularly at the rate she's getting. Lucian extubated himself this morning! In layman's terms, he removed the tube helping him breath, all on his own. I'm not sure how that could happen since it's taped to his chin but if I've learned anything through all of this, it's that anything's possible.

Just when you think you have nothing left to give you will find that last bit of strength to do what it is you need to do. When you call upon your family to help you they will be there. If you're willing to accept the kindness of others and say yes, I really could use your help right now you will get what you need. There's a certain kind of strength in asking for help, in trusting that you don't have to do everything on your own. I am stubborn and reluctant to accept what our generous friends and family offer, never mind ask for things (although my sister would disagree with that last part! I could almost hear a "yeah right" right about now, lol) I'm learning that it's okay and it really can change your relationship with other people, bringing you closer. When a friend shows up at your door with a warm meal (thank you Marty!) or your family comes to the rescue for two days to pack and haul your furniture away with you (thank you Mom and Joey!) you can't help but stop and notice how lucky you are. Everyone we know and love has reached out to us in some way and it helps more than you know, especially on the really hard days. Annette and Najiah I look forwad to seeing you this week and I thank you for thinking of us, some food coming our way - yay! ;)